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An Educated Guess

We had a trivia night at the wine shop last week.  We got some old ladies from the library to run it, which in retrospect was a bad idea because the questions they came up with were like:

In what academic publication dated 1970 did the mathematician Edward Nelson provide an axiomatic basis for Abraham Robinson’s non-standard analysis of fluxions and infinitesimal numbers?

We were like, “um, yeeeeeeeah.  This isn’t really what we had in mind.”  But the library ladies were really positive.  They were like, “Don’t say that!  You can do it!  We believe in you!”  So we thought about it, and after a while we said, “IS THE ANSWER PHOTOSYNTHESIS???” and the ladies said, “Oh.”

pizzaThe team that won had a total of one point, which they got for having the best team name.  They won a bottle of wine called “Educated Guess,” which was ironic because they were a bunch of morons just like the rest of us.

pizzaSpeaking of morons, the dogs spent the weekend at a very nice kennel while we went to a wedding.  According to their bill–which I will have to pay with a mix of cash, credit, and semiprecious stones–they spent 48 hours ordering snacks from the rawhide bar and charging it to the room.

pizza cutSo they won’t be going back there anytime soon.  At least not until Scott invents an app or I get rich off biscuit-crust pizzas.

I realize that in the South it’s sacrilegious to bring a rolling pin anywhere near your biscuit dough, but I live in Chicago now so here’s the deal:  make a quick biscuit dough recipe.  Roll it out, free-form style.  Bake it for a few minutes.  Add toppings.  Melt the toppings.  Eat biscuity pizza.  Do it, you beautiful morons, and let me know what you think.

Eggton’s Biscuit-Crust Pizza {Download & Print Recipe}

For a breakfast version, try this biscuit crust with sausage and cheddar and scrambled eggs on top.

Ingredients: {Serves 1 hungry adult for dinner or 2 adults with a salad or something more}

For the crust:

1 c. flour (plus more for dusting)

1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

1/8 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. dried oregano (optional)

1/2 tsp. dried basil (optional)

1/2 tsp. garlic powder (optional)

4 Tbsp. cold butter, cut into small pieces

1/4 c. buttermilk (if you don’t have any but you have milk, you can make buttermilk in a few minutes. See here.)

For the toppings:

2 tsp. olive oil

your favorite jarred or canned tomato sauce

mozzarella cheese

other pizza toppings of your choice

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  Dust a workspace and a rolling pin with flour.

Put all the dry ingredients for the crust into a large bowl.  Work the butter into the dry ingredients with your fingers for a just a minute or two until the pieces are no larger than a pea.  Pour the buttermilk into the flour mixture and as you pour, swirl the liquid into the flour with your finger (don’t use a spoon or you’ll overwork the dough.)

Dump the contents of the bowl onto the floured workspace and knead it 3 or 4 times until it comes together in a shaggy dough.  It won’t hold together like bread dough and that’s okay.  Using the floured rolling pin, roll the dough out to 1/4″ thickness in a free-form shape.

Transfer the dough to a baking sheet.  Using the back of a spoon, brush it with the olive oil.  Bake it for 7-9 minutes, until it’s browned around the edges and it doesn’t look damp in the middle.  Take the baking sheet out of the oven and turn the oven off.  Spread tomato sauce onto the dough.  Cover with mozzarella and any other toppings you plan to use.  Return the baking sheet to the oven, which should still be hot enough to melt the toppings if you leave the pizza in there for a few minutes.

~~~

seymour“We make pizza with quadruple extra cheese and pepperoni now, yes?”

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43 Comments Post a comment
  1. so funny

    October 28, 2013
    • Hi, my friend! Hope you’re well.

      November 5, 2013
  2. Like.

    October 28, 2013
    • Right back at you, sister. How is fall in the Blue Ridge? (Sigh.)

      November 5, 2013
      • It’s been nice. I’ve hiked Shenandoah a couple times and the foliage has been spectacular. I know what it’s like to miss your home; you have all my sympathy.

        November 6, 2013
  3. Lucinda R #

    Nice. But what’s with the rolling pin????

    October 28, 2013
    • Well, I got the sense from my friends in Alabama that I was supposed to pat the dough out with my hands instead of rolling it out. What do you think, though, Cindy?

      November 5, 2013
  4. Kristi #

    I love the dogs room service part!! Pizza sounds good too!

    October 28, 2013
    • Man oh man that place is E-X-P-E-N-S-I-V-E. They are great, though. And they have daycare on the weekends. In Huntsville the kennel we liked didn’t have daycare on Saturdays and Sundays, and I felt so guilty about that whenever we went out of town!

      November 5, 2013
  5. Amy #

    Is Seymour wearing a button down shirt?
    I use that Pillsbury pizza dough when I’m short on time which is the exact same as their crescent dough which is really pretty much the same as their biscuit dough, so I guess I’ve made biscuit pizza before too. Whenever Nate and I eat that we always comment that it’s good in its own right, but it doesn’t taste like pizza crust. Your version looks delicious- since you made biscuit dough I feel like you should try it with breakfast toppings that go with biscuits…eggs, cheese, bacon. Mmm, now I”m hungry.

    October 28, 2013
    • Amy, is it just me or does Pillsbury not make the cornbread twist dough that they made when we were kids? I LOVED that stuff. We used to slather the twists in butter and dip them in apple butter. To die for.

      I have to say that you and Nate will say the same thing (it doesn’t taste like pizza crust) if you try this recipe. No way around it, I guess.

      One of the awesome things about the wine bar where I work is that the guy who owns the Dominos across the street brings pizza over all the time. I had never had their thin crust pizza, but I love it now. There may be fewer biscuit crust pizzas in my future. . . 🙂

      November 5, 2013
  6. I like the idea of adding herbs to the dough. I just tried using biscuit dough as a quiche crust. It would have worked if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids. And the fact that I ran out of baking powder…

    October 28, 2013
    • Brooke, that’s such a good idea–using biscuit dough for quiche crust. Did you blind bake the crust at all, or just pour the quiche mix into the uncooked crust? Sounds awesome. Scott’s mom is sending me a recipe for a tuna pie that was apparently a huge hit with him when he was a kid. It was the first I’d heard of it. Maybe I’ll use a biscuit crust for that…

      November 5, 2013
  7. Laughing! That trivia night is why I avoid trivia game parties–but you make it sound like it was fun nonetheless. And the biscuit-pizza looks amazing. (Maybe even I could make it!)

    Seymour is still smiling from the exceptional room service, I see.

    October 28, 2013
    • Oh my gosh, Jennifer, I NEVER play any kind of knowledge-based game unless I am on a team. Because I am petrified that the question will be like “who is Speaker of the House right now?” or “What countries did we fight in WWII” and it will be revealed that I am a total idiot.

      November 5, 2013
  8. Look at the smile on your puppy! Clearly he lived like a rock star. That pizza looks really good, thanks for the recipe. Cheers.

    October 28, 2013
    • Hi, Holli! Yeah, he LIVED. IT. UP. When I picked the dogs up from the place, Seymour did not want to hop into the car. I had to lift all 50 lbs of him up by the haunches and stick him in there. It was not pretty.

      November 5, 2013
  9. That looks delicious. Great alternative to normal pizza dough when you don’t have time for yeast!

    October 29, 2013
    • I know what you mean. I wish I planned ahead for pizza and made yeast dough in advance, but isn’t that always the thing with pizza? That it’s something you want at the last minute when you don’t have time to cook? Such a bummer.

      November 5, 2013
  10. Two questions: What is the answer to yr question ( I won’t google) and what was the winning teams name?
    Yr part about the room service made me laugh out loud and coffee came out my nose

    October 29, 2013
    • Bunky, the answer to the question was something like the Mathematical Bulletin? Sadly, I have forgotten what the winning team’s name was, but we’re going to do trivia again in a couple weeks at the shop (same ladies! Yikes!) so I’ll pay closer attention next time. I think my jealously over their newly-acquired bottle of wine erased whatever part of my brain registered the name. 🙂

      November 5, 2013
  11. IS Seymour wearing a button down shirt? IS HE? Sweet bearded Jesus. (Told you I’d steal that.)

    I don’t do trivia. It makes me feel really dumb, as I have no long-term or short-term memory. Thus I’ve never learned anything, and even if I did, I’ve forgotten it already. It’s a whole thing. For example, a biscuit-crusted pizza? That’s genius. I’ll have to bookmark it right away, of course, because I will forget about this awesome idea in about 30 seconds.

    Hey, is Seymour wearing a button down shirt? I just noticed that…

    October 29, 2013
    • Seymour IS wearing a button down shirt. This is what I have taken to doing instead of doing laundry or ironing shirts. I just dress the dog in them, and then the part of my brain that is in charge of household chores is like “check! Did something with the shirts or whatever!”

      November 5, 2013
  12. Fab post with mouthwatering pix! My cat stayed in the real-life equivalent of your Diamond Kennel when she got treated with radioactive pills for a thyroid condition. This joint had kitty videos, a live (caged) hamster that was wheeled around to entertain the radioactive patients (the hamsters presumably have a half-life of two weeks), and a vast array of special treats to be ordered by the fond and anxious kitty “mommas” and “poppas.” Including “all white meat tender chicken breast” and… wait for it… filet mignon. Probably they had a minibar stocked with clam juice, Vietnamese fish sauce and heavy cream, but I didn’t ask. I just paid the bill.

    October 29, 2013
    • AMAAAAAZING. I love that they had a hamster to entertain the felines. That is really above and beyond the call of duty, which is what’s to be expected of the Ritz Carlton of kennels, I guess. Is your cat better now? Is that her in your gravatar photo? Beautiful.

      November 5, 2013
      • Thanks! Agnes is better now after her Spa Treatment. The cat in the Gravatar is a dearly departed one named Billy.

        November 6, 2013
  13. jenny_o #

    Any ol’ man look good in a suit, right? Well, Seymour is halfway there.

    I used to make biscuit crust pizza, before I found my current recipe that makes up quickly with yeast. Like another commenter said, it’s another whole taste. Pizza is so versatile and every single kind tastes good in its own way. I like the thought of the breakfast version – must give it a try.

    October 29, 2013
    • Jenny, what is this mysterious quick yeast pizza dough recipe?!? Where can I find it? You’re killin’ me, lady. I would love to make it.

      Seymour is very patient when I put stuff on him. Thunder, on the other hand, is like “PUT THAT ON ME AND I WILL SUE YOU WOMAN, I SWEAR TO GOD.”

      November 5, 2013
  14. So, Thunder must still be bellied-up to that rawhide bar–hitting on those hot German Shepherds and their spatzel (non-Chicago biscuits). Hussy.

    October 30, 2013
    • Hiya, lady! I didn’t include a picture of Thunder this time because every once in a while someone emails or tweets me and is like WHY NO SEYMOUR on the blog? So in fairness I gave Thunder the week off…

      November 5, 2013
  15. Oh so so funny.. Recipe is for morons, right?

    November 4, 2013
    • Yes! Rhema, this recipe is moron-appropriate. That’s why I make it so often. 🙂

      November 5, 2013
  16. I must be just coming out from under my rock as biscuit pizza crust is new to me and frankly terribly clever. It will move swiftly near the top of my quick go to pizza crust (maybe just under ready made crusts!) for the days when the sourdough crust is far from practical.
    Hope you had as much fun at the wedding as the pooches did at the spa:)

    November 5, 2013
    • Oh my goodness, Wendy I SAW A BUNCH OF MANATEES at the wedding! I think manatees are the bulldog puppies of the ocean, so I was ecstatic. It was a group of 4 or 5 of them, and they swam up to a dock by the wedding venue (an old mansion my friends rented on the water) and sort of danced around. The sun was going down and we hadn’t been called into dinner yet, so Scott started playing classical music on his iPhone because he thought the manatees might be able to hear it and would like it and stay longer. It was hilarious.

      November 5, 2013
  17. wait a minute: there’s a rule about biscuit dough and no rolling pins? but…so…okay. so you what, normally just flatten it out with your hands? i think every single one of my fancy biscuit recipes in cookbooks have SAID to roll it out? DO THE CHEFS NOT KNOW THIS UNSPOKEN SECRET SOUTHERN RULE?!? to the books; i will research this. i may make this pizza to sustain me during the process; thankfully you gave me a breakfast option, which means my research can happen 24/7.

    November 5, 2013
    • I think yes, you’re supposed to press it gently into a circle with your hands! That way you don’t overwork the dough and the biscuits come out fluffy. But I could be wrong. In fact, I’m probably wrong. Never fear–I got us covered: I will email blast my Alabama friends and demand an explanation with historical citations!

      November 5, 2013
  18. Oh man biscuit-crust pizza… that’s got to be all sorts of deliciousness! Do you mind if I ask if the crust holds up under extra cheese—like so you could pick up a slice with your fingers—or is it more of a knife & fork situation? Either way, I’m sure it’s better than regular old pizza crust, chickpea flour pizza crust, and cauliflower pizza crust combined!

    November 5, 2013
  19. Dude. The comments on your posts. I can’t even. The quality of them. The magical MANATEES! That is like some fairy tale stuff right there. The BUTTON DOWN SHIRTS (did something with the shirts or whatever is my new way to evaluate housework). The TUNA PIE (what even is that?). And, the trivia fear. Yes. I once went to a quiz where I knew about four answers the whole night and I was super proud. That was a good day. Otherwise, yes, questions like ‘where is Africa’ will have me stumped.

    And the biscuit dough pizza – this is a bit interesting. I simply must try it. When we make scones (which are pretty much like biscuits) we don’t roll the dough out, we pat it down. I think it’s because the dough is like a sensitive and delicate flower and it can’t stand to be rolled out. Except that’s not always true and is partly a lie to frighten people into not making scones. Some kind of government conspiracy, I’m pretty sure.

    November 6, 2013
  20. I am so going to try this!!! I hate…HATE…making pizza dough. I just don’t have the patience to let it rise and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, thanks for the idea…and I love your writing style 🙂

    January 9, 2014
    • Oh my gosh I hear you. I love pizza. I love pizza crust. But hell if I’m going to make my own. I’ve tried a couple times but it’s so labor intensive and then if it doesn’t rise properly I’m devastated (and hungry)!

      January 9, 2014
      • I do my best cursing in the kitchen during a crust meltdown and my husband just quietly endures. Haha. He will be pleased about this solution 🙂

        January 10, 2014
  21. The Sessionista #

    I made this and it was really good. It didn’t taste like pizza per se, but it was good and I’d make it again if I wanted something LIKE pizza, but not exactly. Also, my pizza dough was inadvertently rolled out in the shape of Australia, so there’s that.

    January 18, 2015

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