Health Care: From Headgear To The Present
Health care is all kinds of bonkers in the United States right now. We’ve got a new program that extends insurance coverage to a lot of people. It’s really complicated, y’all, and I can’t explain it without a white board and a judge.
Also? I can’t talk about health care without having a flashback to the 1980s, when my personal health care regimen consisted in braces, shoe inserts, glasses, a bulk supply of Clearasil, and headgear.
Do you remember headgear? I’m going to assume you don’t, because your therapist erased that part of your childhood for you. Or because you were born after headgear was all but outlawed by the United Nations. Or because your parents were hippies who thought your uneven jaws were groovy.
So I’ll describe it to you: Headgear was basically a bear trap installed in your mouth. The bear trap attached to a horse’s bit that stuck out around your face. The horse’s bit attached to a neck brace. The entire apparatus violated human rights, but it was the 1980s. As we’ve discussed, people were really into metal headdresses back then.
My headgear was even worse than Joan Cusack’s neck brace in the movie Sixteen Candles, but this clip really captures how hard it was for me to drink anything without a straw:
I got used to keeping a straw handy at all times. Even now, I reflexively add straws to my beverages, including the one I just made.
I made this drink so I won’t get parched while I read
a 193-page Supreme Court decision on health care this weekend [what I say I’ll be doing]. Or while I clean up puppy pee [what I’ll actually be doing]. Or while I hunt bear in the woods with an old headgear [what Scott has forbidden me from doing, but which has a high probability of success].
Watermelon & Lime Cooler
This is a loose guide to making a watermelon drink. I’m not an expert in this area, but this little concoction was mighty tasty and the color was fun.
seltzer or club soda
Cut some chunks of watermelon and liquify them in a blender or food processor. Pour the watermelon liquid through a fine mesh strainer so that only the juice (and the not the puree) passes through into a bowl.
Put some ice in a pitcher or glass. Pour some of the watermelon juice in there. Squeeze some lime. Add some tequila (or not). Stir. Top it off with soda water. Taste it. It should be sweet enough as is, because of the sugar in the watermelon. But if not, add some simple syrup (which is just sugar dissolved in water).
Add a straw and serve immediately. (Fermented watermelon is icky.) If you put the drink down for a little while and it separates (with the watermelon juice resting at the bottom), give it a little stir.
Our best-friend-who-we’ve-never-met, movita beaucoup, is a ballet instructor and a baker and a hilarious writer. She’s collecting pictures of people dancing this weekend, so this is our contribution. (You can make one too.)
Scott and Thunder have practiced this a million times, but this was my first time waltzing with Seymour. It’s blurry because I worried he was about to pee on me.
Have a good weekend!