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The Truth About Gardening

Look!  We made a 2-minute movie about our vegetable garden, and how it’s been acting like a real jerk lately.

Enjoy!

61 Comments Post a comment
  1. Ginger Cobl #

    omg you crack me up! if you want to do another film on veggie gardens you are welcome to come over and shoot a horror film based on our devil weeds that NOTHING will kill! Lane says make it quick though cause he’s gonna blowtorch it any day now!

    September 8, 2012
    • Ginger, you should probably keep Lane away from that blowtorch. Didn’t you just give his rooster away? I’m worried Lane is upset that Rooster Frank is about to take a long walk off a short spoon into a stew pot…

      September 8, 2012
  2. Ummm… Just curious: How much Direct Sun does that location receive? Looks a tad shady for veggie gardening (just sayin’).

    FWIW, here on the left coast, it’s been a kinda sucktastic year for veggies (at least for my garden!)

    September 8, 2012
    • Well, the side (not where the cucumbers are) gets at least 5 hours a day–or so I thought. I figured (based on no expertise whatsoever) that that would be enough, but clearly it’s not enough hours or not direct enough sunlight. The sunlight issue is another reason that we can’t pull our cars all the way into the driveway anymore, by the way–the cars cast a shadow on the plants, so we park on the street now. Aye me!

      September 8, 2012
      • imqtpi #

        Ahhh… So it’s not for lack of trying! But yeah, you need a sunnier spot. Also, your ‘maters need to be staked and/or caged (I “stake my cages” down so they don’t tip over). Tomato plants can get freaking HUUUUUGE and can’t support their own weight. Not sure about cukes (since I’ve never had one survive our hungry snails!), but I think they like to climb as well :-)

        Better luck next year (Don’t give up! Ain’t nuthin’ like a fresh, home-grown mater – Trust me!)

        September 8, 2012
  3. Katherine, now you can explain fluid mechanics to me….maybe how to prevent geysering? :)

    September 8, 2012
    • Steve–I got you covered. Have your guys call my guys and set something up.

      September 11, 2012
  4. Very funny!! Cheers to your garden; I have the same one and was just writing about that, actually. I think I’ll include a link to your video. :)

    September 8, 2012
  5. Oh honey. I’m with you. We live in the pit of darkness. I grow kale. And chard. And I’m now officially sick of kale and chard. I had pretty good luck with container gardening last year. Got more beets and carrots than I managed to raise in the actual dirt this year. Maybe something to consider?

    September 8, 2012
    • Hm. Kale and chard, eh? So good for you, at least, if you have to overdose on something! I have seen container gardens and they look neat. I just don’t know where the heck we’d put them. Our back yard is so incredibly shaded (even though the tree that fell down let in some light!).

      I assume that I missed the deadline for planting kale and chard, right? ARG.

      September 11, 2012
      • There are some plants that do well in low light, kale and chard being among them. Things that produce greens and not fruit in other words. And actually, I don’t know about your area, but chard and kale are generally cooler temp plants (lettuce, too) and my actually do better with a Fall harvest. You are far enough South that it might actually be preferable to plant later in the year! One thing I noticed about where you have your garden now is that it may be getting too hot so close to the house and the driveway, elevating the plants in planters may actually work to cool the roots down a little. You also won’t have driveway run-off effecting outcome either.

        September 14, 2012
  6. April was in CT now CA #

    I love the air quotations around your friend’s “garden”. LOL Don’t give up, I’ve killed many a thing and for the first time this year we’ve finally got food that is edible. Like, we ate it because we grew it and we DIDN’T DIE. Miracles y’all, they happen every darn day. Great video!!

    September 8, 2012
    • April, I’m so jealous. What finally worked for you? What was in your crop?!

      September 11, 2012
      • April was in CT now CA #

        The main thing we have luck with are tomatoes, but snowpeas and bush beans (green beans) also did well. Maybe it’s the fact that we moved? LOL In CT we had a pretty shady yard and did some container gardening on our porch and had decent luck with tomatoes and cilantro.

        September 11, 2012
  7. Wonderful video! Very funny, and loved the music.
    Also great to see yourself and Scott. :)

    My gardening adventures this year are filled with my garden nearly drowning under the amount of “summer” rainfall, and then the compost I lovingly mixed into the soil to nourish it ended up sprouting pumpkin and courgette plants! No vegetables have come from the plants as they sprouted v late in season, but remarkably healthy looking plants!

    September 8, 2012
    • That’s so neat! I wonder if you will get pumpkins as fall wears on. I LOVE cooked pumpkins. Especially Japanese pumpkins. (Something I had often in NY but haven’t been able to get ahold of in Alabama. :)
      I hope the rain has FINALLY cleared up for you all! Though if I had to write a dissertation, I think I’d like the rain at times. Rain always makes me want to read and write.

      September 11, 2012
      • Thank you- we had a week and a half of sunny, warm weather which was lovely! It’s turned much colder now, but as you said, it’s good writing weather. :)

        Hope your garden is persevering!

        September 11, 2012
      • Thank you- we had a week and a half of sunny, warm weather which was lovely! It’s turned much colder now, but as you said, it’s good writing weather. :)

        Hope your garden is persevering!
        Also, never had Japanese pumpkins- but I do love all sorts of roasted squash, so am sure I’d enjoy them.

        September 11, 2012
  8. a #

    Yeah, you have way too many trees there for a proper vegetable garden. I’ve gotten a bunch of tomatoes this year, but it seems pretty paltry considering I have 6 plants. And for some reason, none of my spinach came up. I’m going to try again, though. However, the salad bar is much more reliable.

    September 8, 2012
    • My newest threat is these teeny tiny fluffy white bugs that are floating around. They creep me out. I don’t know what they are, but they look exactly like the kind of little buggers that would eat the leaves off of anything. But hopefully they won’t make it over to your house and eat round 2 of your spinach.

      September 11, 2012
  9. hahahaha. your new species of pumpcumber looks like it could be either really delicious or deadly poisonous. it’s like the fugu of the vegetable world! our fire escape herb garden would be flourishing if not for the killer pigeons that eat the tomatoes and peck holes in all the jalapenos.

    September 8, 2012
    • Damn pigeons! Fire escape gardens are so lovely. You should take a picture and put it on your site! I’d love to see it. I had one in New York, and one day one of the pots fell and I held my breath as it hit the sidewalk, thankfully missing all the pedestrians.

      September 11, 2012
  10. Not to sound kinky or anything, but I think you are my new *girl crush*:

    1. You are one of the few people who can wear red lipstick and make it look fabulous (a super~human~magical power!)
    2. You cannot grow vegetables (something I can totally commiserate with!)

    Loved the video!

    September 8, 2012
    • Yay! I have LOADS of girl crushes. Next year we should do research on the heartiest vegetable ever and try to grow it. I’m determined to make this work, even if I have to grow cucumbers in my living room under a lamp.

      September 11, 2012
  11. That is so beautifully tragic. I would try grow my own vegetables, but cacti die in my care. Plants that can live in the desert die in my hands.

    September 8, 2012
    • Okay, Juls. I’m not going to lie: you might suck when it comes to plants. But that’s okay. It probably means you have some other super power, like night vision or webbed feet?

      September 11, 2012
      • Sadly no. I got laser eye surgery but, sadly, it didn’t mean I could then shoot lasers from my eyes. This made me sad.

        September 12, 2012
  12. I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR YOU TO START MAKING VIDEOS.

    You did not disappoint.

    September 9, 2012
    • You should have seen us make this video. I think both of us said “dude. What are you DOING?” like 4,656,234 times. Also, we made it with Scott’s iphone. He poked a broomstick into a flower pot and tied his phone to the top of the broomstick with three rubber bands.

      There has to be a better way to do this. For example, I bet 2.0 could whip you up a crane for awesome aerial views of you making cupcakes.

      September 11, 2012
  13. Thank goodness for the farmers market and grocery store, if I had to grow my own food I’d starve! :D I kill plant life. Out of 7 shoots of bamboo, I have two left! I suppose that means there is a small glimmer of hope for me. :D
    Great video!!!!

    September 9, 2012
    • Ha! You mean one of those bamboo things that you keep inside in a glass container and just water? Or did you plant them outside?

      We have bamboo at my parents’ house where I grew up. Every year, in May, new shoots come bursting up through the concrete of our driveway. It grows a certain number of centimeters per day–it’s insane! So if you can keep those two bamboo shoots alive until May of next year, you should be fine! :)

      September 11, 2012
  14. Yeah, that’s pretty much how our first attempt at gardening in England went. Except with thousands upon thousands of snails eating all of our plants before they could even make baby veggies! AAARGH!

    September 9, 2012
    • Eeeeewwwwww! I haven’t seen any snails around here, but we do have some slugs. And some enormous worms. Not to gross anyone out, but the other day Scott yelled to me to come to the driveway because he found some baby snakes. When I got out there, we realized they were just worms. ENORMOUS ones.

      September 11, 2012
  15. I just want to know if the band or the restaurant provided promotional consideration beyond the veggie cleverly sneaked from the salad bar into the veggie-larceny bag…

    September 9, 2012
    • The waiter actually saw us do that because Scott had ordered a diet coke and he delivered it right when I was putting the zucchini in my purse. I was like “heh heh sorry! we’re just filming something!”

      As if FILMING yourself stashing vegetables into your handbag makes the whole thing okay. :)

      September 11, 2012
  16. I love “live action eggton”. Have you considered a cooking demo? I was thinking about doing a lard rendering demo. It could either be video of me exercising or actually cutting up and rendering pig fat. Maybe a montage of both.

    You should do more videoing. Your personality was meant for the multitudes of various sized screens. <3

    September 9, 2012
    • That is an AWESOME idea–you should do it. I vote for montage. It would be hilarious.

      Thanks for the kind words–to tell you the truth we had so much fun making that movie. A ridiculous amount of fun. And now whenever I get bored, I poke Scott in the arm until he stops what he’s doing and starts coming up with ideas for our next video. Which I can’t wait to make!

      September 11, 2012
  17. Amy #

    hahaha, love the video. Aw, maybe your garden will do better next year. Why don’t you put Thunder and Seymour on garden duty?

    September 9, 2012
    • HA. I can just see Thunder and Seymour on garden duty. They’d probably start throwing tomatoes at each other within minutes!

      September 11, 2012
  18. Fun video! I especially like how you end up in a restaurant with a big bowl of salad in front of you. BTW, was that a cheesy biscuit you slipped into your purse? As for your garden, ahem, you might want to follow a gardening blog or two. That soil looks like it could use some enrichment! Just sayin’ … 😊

    September 9, 2012
    • Ahhh those cheesy biscuits! Scott is nuts for them. But alas, it was just a piece of zucchini that made its way into my purse. We had already scarfed down the cheesy biscuits. :)

      I have never enriched soil in my life–but it sounds like I should. What a good idea– I will read up on that!

      September 11, 2012
  19. HargravesRyan #

    Hilarious!

    September 9, 2012
  20. This is so funny… Double thumbs up ! Don’t give up!Keep trying! Someday you will get some good crops. :)

    September 9, 2012
    • Yes–somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds will fly over my perfect garden that is positively bursting with tomatoes. SOMEDAY.

      September 11, 2012
  21. Joe G. #

    Great video! You and Scott should do more of them. Have you tried replacing the soil? It may be depleted of nutrients. I’d suggest getting better soil and adding a lot of “Miracle-gro”.

    September 9, 2012
    • Hmmmm. We have not tried replacing the soil. Or doing anything at all to the soil. And given that it’s a tiny strip of dirt that’s been next to a driveway for, like, 80 years, I’m guessing it is NOT full of nutrients anymore. Good call.

      September 11, 2012
  22. Dude I am so bad at gardening. I bought a tiny greenhouse though! But you know, I don’t think it really helped. I still try. I am trying chilis now. My kitchen is full of seedlings and I really need that space back but if I put them outside they’ll die and IT’S ALL TOO MUCH PRESSURE.

    September 10, 2012
    • Wait, how did your cucumber turn out? Didn’t you stake them so they had something to climb on? I remember seeing that and thinking “I’ll just do whatever Carol Anne does,” and then I promptly forgot to go to Home Depot and get a stake. All of this explains why I got one yellow runt from my crop.

      I saw somewhere that you can build a greenhouse out of hundreds of plastic bottles. I don’t think I’m THAT committed to making this work, though.

      September 11, 2012
  23. Why is it that stuff seems to grow whether we want it to or not, but it’s almost never the stuff we’d like to see grow? Great video; makes me want to salad bar instead garden — not NEARLY as much work.

    September 10, 2012
    • Can you imagine having a salad bar IN YOUR KITCHEN? Or even in your living room. Man, I would love that.

      September 11, 2012
  24. Liz Malone #

    Love this!

    September 10, 2012
    • Liz, I thought of your imbiber videos when editing this one, and how awesome it was when you were driving in the car to the theme song of the Sopranos.

      September 11, 2012
  25. Gardening, right? We had a lime tree for years – YEARS – and it looked green and happy, but over all that time all we got was one lime. This summer we decided it was time for new plants, so hopefully they will continue doing well. Anyway, you guys are so great; thanks for making me smile today! (and I’m totally creeping and catching up on your blog posts today…)

    September 15, 2012
    • ONE LIME?! That is ridiculous. What did you do with The One Lime? Did you mount it on the wall?

      Your story just makes me. . . mad. MAD, I tell you! I kind of want to come over and kick your lime tree right in the bark.

      September 15, 2012
      • It was ridiculous! We used that lime though (I believe it went alternately into a drink and used in the cooking that night)..so it was a pretty momentous occasion

        September 15, 2012

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